This has been a particularly difficult year. Difficult, peppered with amazing moments of joy and laughter. I have felt this year like I’ve started all over. It feels like the year I left home and started out on my own.I met a lot of people I really liked, but would rather not spend time entertaining. I have met people who I don’t like that much at all, wishing that we were better acquainted. I’m stuck, it seems, with the grown up version of high school in my daily life. Not understanding why some people are popular (and don’t deserve to be) and not understanding why those sitting off on the edge of the conversation aren’t more involved. Those people, on the edge, are infinitely more interesting to me than the ones who have that ‘I’m interesting’ persona about them.
The things that are my passions – photography, music, reading, writing, arithmetic – all pushed aside out of a futile mini depression-like attitude (albeit hidden). Happy? Sure, especially in public. Happy? At home? Mostly, I guess, but mostly also wishing things were different.
Him, you, me. I’m not meant to be here, but I can’t figure out how to get back where I was.